GOING PRIVATE.

Have not kept up on my blog all that much this last yr, but am planning on keeping up with it from here on out. If you would like to keep up with me and Talya, leave your email, thanks:)

Inspired.

Life catches up to me all too often, and catches me off guard. My mind is one big cluster of so many sensitive emotions, and I have to keepsake and keep up with my quiet nights spent sorting through all of these emotions and thoughts while Talya sleeps. When my attitude slowly starts shifting to the more negative side of this world, I know I need more "me" time. I am a sponge. I collect all the feelings, hurt, heartache, and confusion of my loved ones, and try to take it all on and fix things or help, in any way that I can. I actually do the same thing regarding strangers, that is why I choose not to watch the news. And I take on, try to fix, and help only in the ways that I know how to. Which I'm learning aren't always the right ways. I'm learning I break myself down by doing this. I take on, and feel what others feel all too much, and I really feel sometimes that I feel the hurt just like they do. I start to crumble, I depress my mind with all the sadness. This is unhealthy... I have lately shed some light upon my own life, by thinking healthier and more realistically. These are the conclusions that have helped me self improve, with more understanding as to where I stand, and what it is that I should take on and worry about in my OWN setting....

You cannot change ANYONE, it is only their choice. So one is wasting time worrying about another's bad choices. If you were the one hurt, forgive. We are actually treating ourselves even more so with the accomplishment of forgiveness, then what it is exactly we are giving to the forgiven. Stay hopeful, yet stay guarded. U do not have to have complete trust in someone, to have faith in them. The weak need the strong to see what they can't.

If it isn't life or death, Just be:) Be present in the simple things. Embrace all moments; life changing ones, or a walk in the park. Life is to be enjoyed and captured full heartedly, letting absolutely nothing fall through the cracks. Wasting our thoughts and our energy on anything negative, is just stripping ourselves of the purest talent god granted each of us... the ability to love. You cannot love with all you can give, with the slightest grudge or resentment in your heart<3

The many {ADORABLE} faces of my love bug:)

Oh yes! And of course her cute little glitter piggies:)

Okay....

.... I stress too much about catching up and updating, that I fall even more behind:) So no catching up, it scrambles my brain too much :P So it is now February 2011! The year 2011 has already been 1000 times better than 2010:) I'm excited for this year and all the fun in store:)

Talya is now 2 1/2. Going on 12!! I'm tellin ya, this girl is a hoot! I love her so much. She is so beyond perfect in my eyes:) I will have to start writing down all of the many funny things she says. She is such light in my every days, I'm very lucky to be her mom:)

I have a lot of self improving resolutions for this year. I won't bore anyone and share them all... but I will say that I am going to TRY to post a blog at least twice a month:)

And a very random suggestion today... I tell anyone reading this, go to subway and buy ya a bunch of RASPBERRY CHEESECAKE COOKIES!!! OMG! They are THE BEST!!! Thanks to my wonderful sister Sami for treating me with some the other day:):)

Update... May-August

Since it has been since May that I have even posted anything.. I will update and add pics of our lifes since then:)

May: I turned 22. I don't know why, but turning 22 was kind of hard for me. Haha. I know it is still so young, but it just seemed like a HUGE change from 21, and a lot older. I didn't do anything too special. Just relaxed with Talya all day, ate at Tootsies with a friend, and had dinner and cake with family the next day:)

June: Enjoyed Bear Lake a little bit. Tal and Haze LOVE the lake! They had so much fun:) Visited my mom while we were there as well:) Also, a lot of park and pool time in June with friends:)

July: A lot happened in July! Tal turned 2! My little sweetie is growing up way too fast. Her birthday was fun, and of course she got spoiled rotten. We celebrated cake and ice cream at the town park with close family and friends. Nothing too fancy this year. A trip to Lava to swim. Also, another visit to the Bear Lake with my Lakyn and her son. The kids had a BALL! 4th of July fun with the fam!:) And my sister Whitney's wedding. (I will post about and share pics in a seperate post, about the Cram wedding and reception.

August: Fair time:) Tal had a blast at the county fair. She would have rode rides all day everyday had I have let her! She also enjoyed lots of cotton candy and the reptile exhibit a time or two. She LOVES turtles! Also, I was able to go to my friend Paige's wedding, she's looking STUNNING! Very happy for her and Brady. Went on my yearly vaca trip to Vegas with one of my best friends. (Seperate post and pics for Vegas trip.)

Holy Crap! Sorry for the disappearing act! Ha!

Life has been so crazy busy lately. It seems anyway, but not all that much is going on. I just haven't made blogging a priority. I plan to keep this thing updated, as I have said many times before, but for real this time:)

Things are great! I am still watching my handsome little brother every day, clean at nights and on the weekend for a company called Varsity based out of Idaho. It's not the funnest, but it keeps a roof over my head and Tal happy, that she gets a stay at home mom, AND gets to come to work with mommy:) Believe it or not, she is a HUGE help. Her company makes the job a ton more fun!

I am very excited for the holidays this year. I already have my Christmas trees up:) Yes, plural. Tal HAD to have a little 4 foot pink tree that just stole her heart at the Family Dollar, alongside the traditional one:) I don't mind it much either:) Its pretty cute! I will post some pics in my next blog, maybe when the kids go down for a nap. Pictures are a lot more fun than anything I could rant or rave about that has happened these last few months:)

Update:)

Me and tally found us a cute little apartment. Living with my dad and Kathy til I got my feet on the ground was VERY much appreciated... I have so much gratitude for my family I could scream! They are the best!!! But it is very nice to have our own space again. Tally probably apprecieates the comfort and stability of her own room again as much as I do:) I have been very blessed to be a single mom and still get to stay home with my babe! I couldn't ask for a better blessing. I still watch my little bro throughout the day and clean at nights (about 20 hrs a week) to earn some dough:) It's really nice, cause Tal can just come with me. So not only do I get to be a stay at home mom, my bestest little buddy gets to come to work with me:) She enjoys it as much as I do I think. She loves to dust:)
Me: I have had a run around tryin to adjust to what life has thrown at me, but I think I got it handled:) I am very happy. I went through some depression and hard times tryin to find myself again. And here I am! I am so excited for my future and the good things to come:) And so so grateful for trials and bumpy roads cause I have learned so so much about myself.... I have really learned to appreciate myself and what I have to offer this world. I ran into Russ Gardner the other day, outta the blue he came up and gave me a big hug, paused, looked at me and said,"U've got ur twinkle back in your eyes, u lost it for awhile girl, its very nice to see hun, I'm proud of ya." Those words meant more to me than any I can remember this past year!:) And it kinda reassured me that yes... yes I do:) The twinkle is most definitely back and my smiles are bigger than ever!!! Enough about me.....
Tally boo: (we call her that, cause she looked just like boo off of monsters inc:) Especially when she has pigtails:)) She is doin so great! I didn't realize how much change affects our little ones:( Since we have moved into our own place and rid away the stress and just lived our lives, she has slept through the night again and just enjoys life. Nothin makes me more happy than to be with her and giggle with her. Her smile makes me want to climb to any mountain top and scream how amazing and important she makes me feel! She is really the light of my life. I can't imagine my life without her. She is 22 months old now! Almost 2!! I can't even believe it!!!! She has turned into the sweetest, silliest, comforting little princess. She is full of kisses, loves, and of course attitude. All of which completes my days! She has been so so sick these last few days with the flu. It has just made my heart wrench! I have never dealt with her sick like this before. Although she has been quite a sport! No whining, no crying, all she needs is my hand on her bare tummy:) Poor little stinker. She is feelin better today though. 2 days ago I just cryed and cryed cause I felt so helpless that I couldn't take it all away from her:( Its crazy how much motherhood takes a toll on our emotions and makes u realize how much we take for granted having healthy kids. It almost hurts us more to see them sick than them actually feeling it!! She is getting some color back and plays a little more, so she should be better in no time!
All pictures in next post... beware! There is lots!!!

We are back and feelin better than ever!!!

For those of u that keep up with my blog.... I'm still alive!! I will be posting lots... I have a lot to catch up on!

Rambles :) & Talya blessings.

A LOT has changed in my life these past few months. I find myself lost a lot, as far as which direction to take next. But for now, I am bumming at my parents, looking for a job in the valley and in Logan, and being SOOO grateful for my family because I really COULD NOT do it without them right now. They have done so much for me AND more, I don't thank them enough! I also have amazing friends that keep me smiling and laughing through all these difficult times! I wouldn't trade you guys for the world!!! I lost myself a little through the last few years, and I am finally at peace that I have found me again. I feel like laughing all the time, I feel comfortable in my own skin, and from this day forward I will not change for ANYONE! I am me :) And if you can't appreciate me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best! :)

Princess Talya blesses me in so many ways.....

* She makes me laugh at least 100 times a day.

* She wakes me up at 7:00am everyday just to lay in my bed and cuddle me. :) I LOVE cuddles.

* I always feel needed. Cause she really does need me. :) Who doesn't love to be needed?

* She has a smile and the personality that lifts me right back up whenever I start to fall.

* God could not have blessed me more in any other way, but to send me her. :) And I try to thank him everyday!:)

* She trully is my rock... she keeps my feet on the ground whenever I feel like flying, she is my eyes when I don't feel like I can see clearly, and she is my strength whenever I feel a little like giving up when life gets a little hard. I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky to be givin such an angel:)

This is the month to be thankful, and I'm digging deeper into my gratitude this year than ever before. I guess it takes losing almost everything, and maybe a little growing up to really appreciate the good, and give thanks to the special people in my life that have stuck by my side and supported me through thick and thin.

Enjoy a few recent pictures of my little love bug:) (Although, she is no longer very little.)

Oh yes, and her not so glorious photo:( This was a result of a slippery tub and clumsy Tal. Poor girl... I swear she has a big bottle of "barley pop" hidden somewhere that she sips on when I'm not looking...... cause she NEVER seems to have any kind of balance on her cute little feet! She definitely keeps me on my toes, and my heart racing all day long.